As there is only one day remaining in 2017 I think it’s time to do some reflecting on what the year has meant for me. It was always going to be a massive year but even I didn’t expect some of the things which have happened like a second trip to Philadelphia for one very big event. It has very much been my year of discovery.
It has been the year I discovered what it is like to live as the person I always knew I should have been, and it has so exceeded any expectations I had. When I think back to the beginning of the year, when we first started telling people my plans, I had only been out in public as Stephanie a handful of times and they were in Esperance so it was unlikely that I would ever have been recognised anyway but it was so much easier than I ever thought possible to live as a female. With the help of my soulmate and best friend Denise who has given me emotional support and helped me with practical issues such as makeup etc I have been very much at ease with my true self and it has just got easier from there. My first outing in Busselton was a nervous occasion but made much easier by the company of a lovely lady on the same journey. That occasion gave me the courage I needed to step out as Stephanie full-time. Now, some nine months later the pure pleasure of walking around Busselton doing everything from shopping to general “little jobs” in a dress and heels gives me an unbelievable buzz and a sense of peace and happiness which I have never known before.
Another big discovery for me this year is just how many friends I have both here and especially back in the UK. Our trip over there in August/September was a very humbling experience. Apart from a couple of people, who were either obviously uncomfortable with Stephanie or for some reason don’t approve of my transition, the rest of the huge number of people we caught up with were truly happy for me, which to be fair is all I want. There were so many re-connections with people I had lost touch with for one reason or another, people I have worked with, friends of friends and also people who were friends of my parents which is all the more pleasing for me. Their acceptance of me as Stephanie, and the fact that they were genuinely happy for me, meant the world to me.
As for the people both here and in the UK who don’t seem happy for me, for whatever reason, I do get it. However having made an enormous emotional and physical commitment getting to this point I will now take the advice of my psychologist who has gone to great lengths to get me to understand why I shouldn’t have negative people in my life. If you fall into that category and have fallen out with me or simply can’t be happy for me I am afraid you will not feature in my life going forward.
A further discovery in 2017 has been Darren Hayes and Savage Garden. You may think that a strange thing to be considered a major discovery. I have known of them and their music since they first became famous in the late nineties. This time around, one line in one particular song has been the single biggest contribution to my dealing with the issue of my parents’ failure to enlighten me of my condition when I was born. My psychologist was happy for me that I came to an acceptance of what happened when I was born through listening to this music. I think because I had found it myself it has had more of an impact than the advice and teachings she has given me. This is not meant to belittle her talent in any way as she has been truly amazing with me and has been one of my “rocks” this year along Denise and my GP, and will continue to be so in the months to come. If you are wondering what the song is, its “Affirmation” and the line is the fourth one of the song. Trust me it’s worth a listen! I have not yet come to a state of forgiveness towards my parents as my feelings are still very raw, but acceptance is the first step and I am so happy to have found it and Savage Garden in the process. As an aside, our trip to the UK became known fondly to us as “The Savage Garden Tour” due to the fact that it was the only CD we had in the car and we got to know all the words off by heart over the extended number of miles we travelled.
There have also been some disappointments this year. When I was told I needed further surgery “sooner rather than later” I have to say I was devastated. As much as the people in Philadelphia were lovely to me, especially Kami the front office manager, I really didn’t expect to see them ever again. The decision to go back to Philadelphia rather than use a surgeon in Australia was pretty much forced upon me. I spent a considerable amount of time emailing and talking to surgeons in Perth but in the end there was no one willing to put things right. So unless I went to Sydney, which in the long run would have most likely cost me just as much as going to the expert in Philadelphia, then going back was the obvious choice. The biggest down side to going back to Philadelphia is of course the traveling, 55 hours each way is massive even in business class and having a nice hotel in Doha for the 20 hour stopover but it had to be done and once again my rock and best friend Denise was by my side. She must have had the worst day ever on the day of my surgery. Firstly we were told my surgery would probably take two to two and a half hours, I was down for four! Then while she was stressing about me she received an email from her brother to say that her mum was in hospital after a fall! As you would expect from Denise, she took it all in her stride, wonderful woman that she is but the whole of this year has taken a massive toll on her and she is completely exhausted.
All in all though, 2017 has been an amazing year. When I look back to that fateful day (just over two years ago) when I was first told of my beginnings and the following eight months of not knowing who I was or where I was going, it seems that I have come a long way. Then, having come through the despair of that time to the decision to transition just sixteen months ago, the current physical discomfort I am experiencing makes me realise that I still have a long way to go. I am very happy to be where I am today. I know 2018 will be a year of consolidation and hopefully positive experiences – it will be my first full year of being Stephanie, the person I have always wanted to be.