Two difficult days, the spiral and the help received

The two days which followed my last post were very difficult days, the worst thing about it is I can’t really put my finger on why but I can’t ever remember being so easily reduced to tears in my life. Just how much of this is due to my hormones I’m not sure but think they are playing a part. How it works is very straightforward really, something or someone upsets me and I start the downward spiral, after that the smallest things affect me and send me further down the spiral and it’s a real problem arresting it it getting back on an even keel again. The further down I get the more the negative side of things affects me and the more difficult it is to get back up. So this morning I managed to get a cancelled appointment with my psychologist.  Now she has always helped my state of mind, I only have to be with her for a short time and start to feel better but this time was different, I don’t think I have been as far down the spiral when I have seen her before and as I mentioned earlier, this time I really don’t know why I’m down there. This appointment was different, she was much more serious about my state of mind and if I’m honest much more strict with me, she is usually happy for me to talk about what has happened since my last visit, the ups and the downs giving advice along the way and generally keeping me on an even keel and has been truly amazing in the way she has helped me over the last year or so but this time she pushed me much more than usual, at times it felt very uncomfortable, she didn’t allow me to deflect questions like usual (she thinks I am good at that, must be the sales person in me!) this time making me really think and actually really work hard at getting to the bottom of my current state of mind. For almost an hour she pushed me, then told me what things she thought were affecting me and why then showed me several ways of handling them. It was like she lifted a great weight off me, gave me exercises to do when I am feeling stressed and heading down the spiral, how to form habits of things which help to arrest the feelings of depression, even how to breathe better!. This is another example of how lucky I am to have the support I have, I must admit when my GP suggested I should have some professional support at the very beginning of my journey in September last year I was sceptical as to how necessary it was and must also admit that I was petrified the first time I saw her but her help has been amazing and even more so this morning when I really needed help. I used to think there was such a stigma attached to seeing any sort of counsellor but I can honestly say it is worth every minute. I think both my amazing partner Denise and I will be very pleased when we get back from Philadelphia, we are both mentally and physically drained and it makes us both realise how lucky we are firstly to have each other but also to have the incredible support and love we have received.