Corner turned!

After a very tough day yesterday I think I have turned a corner! Yesterday was especially tough as over here and in the uk it was Father’s Day and to be honest I am so struggling with how I feel about both my parents at the moment that it brought on lots of emotions for both of us. As much as I am trying to focus on the positives and not dwell on the past as it doesn’t get you anywhere and you can’t change it anyway, it’s still a huge hurdle for me and we have discussed a plan of action while back in the uk to try and get some sense in to it by talking to the NHS and trying to ascertain whether or not there was consent for my surgery when I was a baby or even if they knew the whole story or were just told what needed to happen. It will all be very difficult I know as there will be lots of barriers to deal with but hopefully we can get someone with some sympathy who is happy to help. The frightening thing is I had an email from the Intersex international organisation yesterday and it’s still going on, even in Australia and it just has to stop, they have to stop playing god with helpless infants who have the misfortune to be born as I was, a mixed up mess because it doesn’t go away once you have been “modified” I can vouch for that, it just festers away inside and in the end as in my case it just has to be dealt with regardless of the pain involved.

Anyway, onwards and upwards as the saying goes, we have just 5 more sleeps and then our mammoth journey home begins, I can’t tell you how much I want to go home, I know the journey will be tough but we have done all we can to make it easier and the fact that I’m feeling better in myself has to be a good sign. America has not been all I expected of it, I wouldn’t rush back, maybe we haven’t been in the best places but it doesn’t even come close to Australia in so many ways, Denise is disappointed with the food quality and the shops themselves, I haven’t had much to do with the shopping side of things but we forget how lucky we are in Australia and I think the same goes for the uk, I always enjoy going to the shops when we are over, especially the supermarkets as they are so diverse and cater for so many things under one roof, I expected American ones to be the same. I guess it’s like many things and a case of what you get used to, one weird thing we have noticed, over here you get bottle shops which sell wines and spirits but not beer, that’s a totally different shop so wether the licensing is different I’m not sure.

So as my transitioning progresses and let’s face it the biggest part is well and truly over now it leaves the little things, the things I have done for years as Robin but now need to re think before going out into the world fully Stephanised as it were.  One such thing is my language, and my amazing speech therapist Leah has touched on this a number of times but now I have Denise well and truly on my case. Now I know my language can be colourful at times and I have long been a believer that the “f” word is by far the most descriptive word in our language, you only have to look at some of the people that have used it to immense effect, I won’t go into many of them as I don’t want to offend but for those of us who remember The Falklands war in 1982 there was a classic, the captain of the ship which sunk the General Belgrano was heard to to say “what f*****g exclusion zone” as he launched another batch of Exocets in the general direction and no one except the Argies seemed to mind, I could go into others but as I said I don’t want to offend. Anyway I now have a target to reach on using the “f” word or lack of using it as the case may be. I blame the motor trade personally and I often am guilty of using it to berate my self more than others, the phrase “for f*** sake” has become too easy to use and according to Denise I have to change (as it’s not ladylike), so a challenge it will be but I promise I’ll try to mend my ways.  I can’t guarantee that I won’t slip up at times especially where inept drivers are involved and when on my own the aforementioned phrase I’m sure will come out, but only directed at myself.