I knew our last full day at the clinic would be one full of new experiences some of which I was definitely not looking forward to!
After quite a rough night with a good degree of pain, more from my back than the surgery and mostly down to laying on the surgeon’s table yesterday while she dealt with the drains. I knew that I was very uncomfortable at the time and should have done something about it but didn’t think I would be there long and so just put up with it and I certainly suffered the consequences. Anyway we got up around 8 and I felt ok, my appointment with Heather was at 10.30 to have my catheter and the wadding removed, I was definitely not looking forward to either but I had temporarily forgot about the other purpose of the appointment, Dilation!
We went down stairs at the given time and waited in the reception, Kami as always was super busy, answering phones, coordinating patients and generally organising people, she gave us a warm welcome and let Heather know we were there, Heather came out and ushered us into a treatment room, she looked surprised as we had come equipped with two pillows and my plastic blow up ring, I explained about yesterday and she was happy to work round it and keep me as comfortable as possible. She undressed my bottom half and asked me to sit on the chair, this I did and put my feet on the foot rests, I was reasonably comfortable so she proceeded to have a look. Then the serious job started , she began with the catheter, probably the bit I was dreading the most, she explained what she was going to do and said there would be a pinch, there was and it was out, just like that! I was very very relieved to say the least, she cut some stitches out then started to pull out the wadding, it was just as though Kathy had stuffed bandage after bandage in the hole, it was a weird feeling, a little uncomfortable but nothing more than that, once again I was relieved.
WARNING – THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH IS FAIRLY GRAPHIC – not for the faint of heart or squeamish. The next thing I noticed was a lovingly presented gift bag on the counter, black with a felt-wrapped package and a hand mirror in it. Heather proceeded to open one of the things inside, it was a set of dilators, one purple, one blue and one green, the purple one was removed and liberally coated with lubricant and then offered up to my new vagina!!! There was no way this wasn’t going to hurt and hurt it did, she didn’t get it in more than a couple of centimetres and the pain was bad, real bad! Miraculously she then produced a much smaller one and announced we could start with this one, much different result, it went in with little pressure and although there was an amount of discomfort it was very bearable. Now let me tell you the rules, for the first month I have to dilate for 20 minutes, 4 times a day, the next 2 months, 3 times a day and then 2 months at twice a day, after that it gets less frequent, down to once a week after a few more months! However you look at it, that’s a lot of time with this thing inside me! Anyway they are the rules and as I don’t want it closing up I will follow them as close as I can, it will be pretty hard when we are flying but we will endeavour to work round it.
My parcel was cleaned, packed up and passed to me, I got dressed and we went out into reception to make the next appointment which will be the day before we fly out on the 24th. While we were talking to Kami I noticed several people in the waiting room, a lady around Denise’s age and a younger lady, the older one spoke and I could hardly believe my ears, she had a Yorkshire accent, Denise asked where she was from and we told her were we were from and that was the start of a lovely day, we just clicked straight away and they are staying on the same floor as us. In true Yorkshire spirit we shared a cup of tea and our stories, Anna and Nikki are here for Nikki’s SRS which is taking place tomorrow, we could see that Nikki was nervous about it so I wanted to reassure her how easy the surgery would be so Denise and Anna went into town for supplies while Nikki and I talked and talked, she is just lovely, beautiful and very knowledgeable so I knew I would learn stuff as well, our conversations were never ending with a good balance and I think by the time Denise and Anna came back I had gone some way towards calming the nerves. I think I just wanted the surgery so much that even though I was nervous towards the time for leaving I didn’t dwell on the possibility of there being a problem while on the operating table and have said to several people that if I did die on the table it would have been doing something I wanted so much that I wasn’t going to let it bother me but Nikki was concerned and I did my best to help her through it. Sharing stories between transgender people is an interesting thing, there are lots of similarities between us.
WARNING – MORE GRAPHIC STUFF! Now for the other first for the day, it’s a little thing, taken for granted by every female I’m sure but today was the first time I had to visit the toilet to urinate as a female, silly really but I had no idea what to expect, would it be a trickle, would it be a flood, in which direction would it go? As I said, taken for granted but a milestone in my journey. Anyway, it all went ok I think, I can’t say it went to plan as I didn’t have a plan! But Heather’s last comment after she removed the catheter was “if you don’t go before the end of the day I need to know about it!” Let me tell you that was never going to happen as I can imagine what she would have had to do and the thought of it makes me cringe so go I did, several times at that, it does feel weird but I’ll get used to it I’m sure.