In today’s post instead of just relaying what has happened daring the day I am going to do something different. I am going to deal with some questions, some that have simply been my wonderings, some that Denise has asked and some that one or more of you have asked, please bear with me, there could be some which fall into the “too much information” department but all relevant I believe.
Firstly, do I feel any different “down there” since the op, well at the moment it’s all a bit numb, I can certainly feel that there are some bits missing, it’s a strange feeling really but for me it’s a nice feeling, knowing that I am now how I should have been right from the start and as much as there is a long way to go in my healing process physically, I am feeling some relief mentally in knowing that I will only get better, it will be gradual but it will all be in the right direction.
The second question was one from well before the surgery and one I was asked by lots of people, will I miss my “bits”? well, the main answer is of course no I won’t, as much as I have had an amazing life up to now there has always been something missing or wrong and my “bits” are the main issue so as much as they have given me little physical trouble and lots and lots of pleasure there has always been the moments when I have looked in the mirror and said either out loud or to myself “I wish I was a girl” and done exactly what Eddy Redmaine did in “the danish girl” pushed them between my legs to see what I would look like if they weren’t there so, in the days before the surgery we had a long talk, I thanked them wholeheartedly for the pleasure they had provided me with over the years, getting me into trouble on numerous occasions but on the whole it had been a good relationship and went on to explain that they were now, or most of them, simply surplus to requirement as it were and that I was moving on to bigger and better things in order to fulfil my life’s dream, I hope they understood, quite frankly it’s too late if they didn’t!
The next thing I want to talk about is the increasing amount of attention that people born intersex like me are getting. Now there are two ways of looking at this, on one side is the fact that medical intervention is still happening and it is just plain wrong, I don’t care how you look at it, being modified before the child has a chance to show which side they are truly on just can’t be the right way to handle it. Every day there is some country apologising for what they have done and vowing that it won’t happen again and I guess I would just like someone to recognise that it happened in my case, someone to put their hand up and explain it to me, what the thoughts of the time were and how much flexibility if any my parents would have had in the process. The down side is that every time it comes up it just brings it all back to me and distresses me no end, there are literally dozens of stories out there like mine, I have read three today, there are lots telling of people with massive mental problems much worse than mine were. In contrast although I always knew I was on the wrong side I managed to well, manage it with some help from the medical profession at times but mine manifested itself in my hormone levels leading to the gynecomastia when I was 12 and then in various ways in the following years and if it weren’t for the persistence of my GP would probably never have come to light. I certainly think I am one of the luckier ones, possibly my degree of intersex was less than others, possibly I have just had help from the best people but the main thing for me is that the practice stops, everywhere!