Just over three years ago i made the biggest and most important decision of my life. It was the end of August 2016 and we were looking forward to a short break in South Australia to celebrate Denise’s 60th. Planning the trip had been a welcome distraction for me as most of it was to be a surprise for her. It was a distraction from the mounting turmoil inside my head caused by the discovery of my true beginnings some eight months earlier, a turmoil which was only heading one way, a way which offered no hope at all. I believe it was the decision which saved me. I was asked some time later by one of the wonderful GPs who have looked after me over the last three years if i felt I’d had any choice in doing what I’ve done. It came after me making the comment that the problems i was having medically at the time were all of my own doing as i had chosen to go down this route. After some thought i said probably not to which she replied “then let’s not dwell on that and find a way to get you well” I thanked her for her positive attitude and listened to her plan of action.
The word “Choice” has come up a few times since, the most pertinent when my brother told me that he and his wife fully accepted my lifestyle choices. It really said it all to me as believe me, no one would choose to be transgender, it isn’t a choice, it’s the lot we are given to work with for some reason and it’s a tough one.
Having said that, i can honestly say that not for one second have i ever regretted the decision to transition. Right from the start it has been an incredible journey which is still unfolding. Sure there have been many dark moments and lots of forays deep into the uncomfortable zone but in comparison to my former life i am blissfully happy and wouldn’t change a thing. There are a number of people who i am dependant on/attached to who above all have been there for me, I couldn’t have done it without them and I’m incredibly grateful to them. Denise is my ever present rock, hero, best friend and soulmate but above all she is my voice of reason which i need regularly for all sorts of reasons. I owe much of my happiness to her!
I have lots of lovely and interesting things to look forward to. We are heading to a lovely part of Bali tomorrow for a few days, in October I’m the guest speaker at the local Rotary club and I’ve just been invited to take part in a project being undertaken by a professor from the ACU studying transgender people in Australia and the ways they have confronted both internal and external struggles to express their identities amidst changing social norms. This should prove very interesting indeed. Also my book is progressing slowly and i hope to have it published by the end of the year. So lots going on, I’ll keep you all posted!!!