Month: June 2017

Today has been probably the worst since my surgery, brought on by a dreadful nights sleep in which I visited the bathroom 9 times and it hurt more each time. This morning we called the help line and soon got a call back from Jamie who we met in the hospital who after listening to my symptoms told me I probably have a UTI and to go back onto antibiotics for a few days. Thankfully we still had a stack of them, some we brought from Australia and some from here. I have spent much of the day either asleep or resting, it’s very difficult to get comfortable sitting so laying either on the bed or sofa is usually the best place. I am struck by how weak I feel, we have been having a very steady walk each night since arriving here but tonight after letting my dinner settle it will be straight to bed I feel after topping up my medication.

There has however been a very bright spot to my day, yesterday I reconnected with a young lady I used to work with who had heard my story and took the trouble to send a friend request. We have since exchanged numerous messages (more like novels really!) and I can’t tell you how much I have loved catching up with all her news so Helen, THANKYOU SO MUCH! you have made a difficult day easier. That brings me back to a place I visit every day in my mind, how blessed I am to have so many friends and family supporting me through this and as I said today in one of my messages, if it’s true that you reap what you sow then there must be some mistake as I don’t remember sowing any of this! Hopefully tomorrow will b a better day, I knew there would be bad days and was prepared for it but I think had got lulled into a false sense of security with the last 12 days as they have been easier than I expected them to be. In finishing I want to also say a massive thank you to my amazing partner Denise who has today and every day looked after me in the most caring and beautiful way as only she knows how, I love you so much Denise xxxx

Sorry for the lack of posts in the last two days, they have been pretty rough but I feel we are over the worst now. The problem seemed to start after the catheter was removed on Tuesday. The removal of it was much less painful than expected but it has more than made up for it since. I started having bladder spasms which are extremely painful to say the least, I can’t ever remember feeling anything like it before, like someone had stabbed me and was twisting the knife!  Anyway thankfully I seem to be over the worst, it’s still there and I’m on my second script of tablets to control them but at least I can get in and out of bed and up and down the stairs without too much pain. The other problem is that because I have had the catheter in, my bladder has become lazy and now insists on being emptied about every hour which is not fantastic for getting a good nights sleep in fact it’s not good at all!

The main thing is though, I am now back to the feeling that every day is an improvement on the last and I have to say the staff at the clinic have once again been amazing. Just for our peace of mind we called in the see the surgeon this morning just so she could check out what was going on and again make sure I was happy.  She spent a good half hour examining me and getting a feel for where the pain was and explained why, she said the swelling was better than last time she checked it and although it doesn’t look pretty at the moment it is perfect (I know she is hardly going to say its ugly is she!) she made us both laugh, she said not all of her clients have a sense of humour but she thought she would be ok with us and said that at this stage usually her handywork looks like “Frankenpussy” (a creation of Frankenstein 😄).   However she said it looks perfect for 10 days post op and is healing nicely. She also said it will take up to 3 months to be perfectly healed.

I knew our last full day at the clinic would be one full of new experiences some of which I was definitely not looking forward to!

After quite a rough night with a good degree of pain, more from my back than the surgery and mostly down to laying on the surgeon’s table yesterday while she dealt with the drains. I knew that I was very uncomfortable at the time and should have done something about it but didn’t think I would be there long and so just put up with it and I certainly suffered the consequences. Anyway we got up around 8 and I felt ok, my appointment with Heather was at 10.30 to have my catheter and the wadding removed, I was definitely not looking forward to either but I had temporarily forgot about the other purpose of the appointment, Dilation!

We went down stairs at the given time and waited in the reception, Kami as always was super busy, answering phones, coordinating patients and generally organising people, she gave us a warm welcome and let Heather know we were there, Heather came out and ushered us into a treatment room, she looked surprised as we had come equipped with two pillows and my plastic blow up ring, I explained about yesterday and she was happy to work round it and keep me as comfortable as possible. She undressed my bottom half and asked me to sit on the chair, this I did and put my feet on the foot rests, I was reasonably comfortable so she proceeded to have a look. Then the serious job started , she began with the catheter, probably the bit I was dreading the most, she explained what she was going to do and said there would be a pinch, there was and it was out, just like that! I was very very relieved to say the least, she cut some stitches out then started to pull out the wadding, it was just as though Kathy had stuffed bandage after bandage in the hole, it was a weird feeling, a little uncomfortable but nothing more than that, once again I was relieved.

WARNING – THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH IS FAIRLY GRAPHIC – not for the faint of heart or squeamish.   The next thing I noticed was a lovingly presented gift bag on the counter, black with a felt-wrapped package and a hand mirror in it.  Heather proceeded to open one of the things inside, it was a set of dilators, one purple, one blue and one green, the purple one was removed and liberally coated with lubricant and then offered up to my new vagina!!! There was no way this wasn’t going to hurt and hurt it did, she didn’t get it in more than a couple of centimetres and the pain was bad, real bad! Miraculously she then produced a much smaller one and announced we could start with this one, much different result, it went in with little pressure and although there was an amount of discomfort it was very bearable. Now let me tell you the rules, for the first month I have to dilate for 20 minutes, 4 times a day, the next 2 months, 3 times a day and then 2 months at twice a day, after that it gets less frequent, down to once a week after a few more months! However you look at it, that’s a lot of time with this thing inside me! Anyway they are the rules and as I don’t want it closing up I will follow them as close as I can, it will be pretty hard when we are flying but we will endeavour to work round it.

My parcel was cleaned, packed up and passed to me, I got dressed and we went out into reception to make the next appointment which will be the day before we fly out on the 24th. While we were talking to Kami I noticed several people in the waiting room, a lady around Denise’s age and a younger lady, the older one spoke and I could hardly believe my ears, she had a Yorkshire accent, Denise asked where she was from and we told her were we were from and that was the start of a lovely day, we just clicked straight away and they are staying on the same floor as us. In true Yorkshire spirit we shared a cup of tea and our stories, Anna and Nikki are here for Nikki’s SRS which is taking place tomorrow, we could see that Nikki was nervous about it so I wanted to reassure her how easy the surgery would be so Denise and Anna went into town for supplies while Nikki and I talked and talked, she is just lovely, beautiful and very knowledgeable so I knew I would learn stuff as well, our conversations were never ending with a good balance and I think by the time Denise and Anna came back I had gone some way towards calming the nerves. I think I just wanted the surgery so much that even though I was nervous towards the time for leaving I didn’t dwell on the possibility of there being a problem while on the operating table and have said to several people that if I did die on the table it would have been doing something I wanted so much that I wasn’t going to let it bother me but Nikki was concerned and I did my best to help her through it. Sharing stories between transgender people is an interesting thing, there are lots of similarities between us.

WARNING – MORE GRAPHIC STUFF! Now for the other first for the day, it’s a little thing, taken for granted by every female I’m sure but today was the first time I had to visit the toilet to urinate as a female, silly really but I had no idea what to expect, would it be a trickle, would it be a flood, in which direction would it go? As I said, taken for granted but a milestone in my journey. Anyway, it all went ok I think, I can’t say it went to plan as I didn’t have a plan! But Heather’s last comment after she removed the catheter was “if you don’t go before the end of the day I need to know about it!” Let me tell you that was never going to happen as I can imagine what she would have had to do and the thought of it makes me cringe so go I did, several times at that, it does feel weird but I’ll get used to it I’m sure.

Pain is what I’m talking about!

Each business day that we are in the recovery suite we get a visit from a nurse, just to check all is good which for me is a big plus in terms of peace of mind but today when my own nurse (Denise) was checking everything looked ok noticed that the packing which is inside me had started to come out, now it’s bloody uncomfortable to sit as it is but with this sticking out I thought something better be done about it. Anyway we called reception which is literally below us and left a message asking for someone to call us back. We went about doing the things we needed to do like wash my hair and make me look something like but as we hadn’t heard anything back called again and soon received a call saying someone would be with us shortly. You can hear how busy the place is by the number of times the door bell goes, it never seems to stop! But shortly afterwards we heard the door being opened onto our floor and to our surprise it was Dr Rumer herself, I was very impressed to say the least that the main person had come to see me! After exchanging pleasantries and answering the usual questions about how I’m feeling she asked to take a look. She was a little concerned about the amount of swelling at the top, said it wasn’t compromising anything but after a little press here and there said she would like to take the drains out today instead of tomorrow, the next bit struck me with horror! She said she would inject some hydrogen peroxide into the drain holes which would create a sort of volcano effect, I was petrified!!! She left and said Kami would be in touch and sure enough 5 minutes later Kami called to say could we come down straight away, at least the horror was going to be over soon I thought so I put on my dressing gown and we headed downstairs. Kami was busy on the phone and there were two people waiting in reception. We were shown into a room and the examination chair was readied for me and we waited, I held Denise’s hand pretty tight and it hadn’t even started! Dr Rumer came in and explained what she was going to do, removed the two drains and proceeded to inject this stuff into the holes left by the drains. At first it just felt warm but then she started squeezing and pressing around the holes, I daren’t look but I could feel something fizzing in side me, it was a weird sensation to say the least! Anyway it’s done now, hopefully it will drain some more over night, at least the drains have gone so that’s one thing less to worry about for tomorrow’s visit!

For the first time I do feel in pain but it’s bearable, more a stinging than a pain or even a burning sensation so hopefully it will do the job and the swelling will go down over night a little. On the plus side I have felt much more energy today, walking up and down the stairs was no problem and I feel as though the anaesthetic is leaving me thankfully xx

Sunday started slowly, not sure why but it took me some time to come round this morning. We didn’t have much planned, another relaxing day for me and for Denise a trip to the store to get supplies.

I have had so many emails, messages and Facebook comments of love and support that the first thing I like to do is see who has contacted me during the night. The good thing about being over here but all you friends being elsewhere is that the messages seem to come all through the night depending on the applicable time zone so there is always something to read when I wake up and today was no exception, I had several emails and messenger messages all wanting to know what we are up to and how the recovery is going. It gives me such a warm feeling that people are thinking about us.

The forecast is for a nice day and I would have loved to go for a walk but I have been told to take it very slowly so don’t want to risk a problem. We decided to try some Skype calls, the Internet is not strong and there’s nothing worse than getting onto a call and then it dropping out and being unable to reconnect and we only have a small amount of data on Denise’s phone which can be used for tethering, anyway the highlight of the day was a Skype call with David, Anna and Jessie in Busselton, it was so lovely to see them all, they have all been really supportive of my transitioning and I’m sure we have become closer through it.

I have been told in no uncertain terms that I need bed rest, unfortunately that doesn’t fit very well with me as I never stay in bed, always have lots to do but I guess they know what’s best for me and I am in their hands. The problem is that when you sleep at all different times of the day your body clock gets out of sorts and you can easily find yourself asleep when others are awake and awake when others are asleep but I guess it’s only for a short time so I’ll deal with it. This morning I felt stronger than yesterday so I’m happy, all I need is a small improvement each day and I’ll be a very happy girl.

The nurses from the clinic came in around 3.30 to check on me and make sure there was nothing I needed before they left, they had a quick examination, all seemed satisfactory, we discussed pain levels and the swelling and they left for the weekend. Although there is no one physically here they are on call 24/7 which for someone in a strange country is such peace of mind and one of the things which attracted me to Rumer Cosmetics in the first place, I have definitely got what I wanted and had amazing service with it. The room is quite basic but very comfortable and quiet which means at least when I want to sleep I can, the bed is especially comfortable, so so important when you need to sleep a lot.

So it’s Thursday and all things being equal I should be discharged at mid-day.  Hopefully the surgeon’s PA, Jamie, will be here to examine me soon and organise discharge.

It all happened rather quickly after Jamie’s visit and I had to get dressed hurriedly because a man with a wheelchair turned up. Unfortunately the message hadn’t got through to the taxi company so I had to sit on my blow-up ring on the wheelchair in the foyer of the hospital whilst they worked out where the taxi was.  Well, it was the ride from hell. It was a battered old Ford Taurus and a driver who couldn’t even be bothered to get out and help Denise put the suitcase in the boot – he just “popped the trunk” as the Americans say, and sat in his seat!  He then proceeded to ask us the route (Denise felt obliged to power up Google Maps to make sure we got to where we should). I felt every bump as the conditions of the roads here are very poor and he threw the car around as though he was in a race.  When we got to our destination he sat in his seat, popped the trunk again and didn’t help either of us.  He didn’t get a tip!!

All the staff at the doctors clinic came out to help, one of them carrying a beautiful bouquet of flowers sent to me by the Pilpel family.  They were very much appreciated as I love flowers.  It was good to get away from the hustle and bustle of the hospital to the quiet of the recovery suite.  I was helped into my first adult nappy – I now understand why babies cry; they are so bloody uncomfortable! And helped into bed. I soon got comfortable and Denise went out for supplies. I think the exertion of the day must then have taken its toll as I fell asleep very quickly, very happy to be Stephanie and one day further post op!