Author: Stephanie

I’m delighted to announce that my book, “Half Him Half Her” is finally published!  It seems like an age since I started writing it – at the beginning of my journey – but I’m thrilled with the results. The e-book should be available immediately (on Amazon and Apple) and the paperback will be available in the next week or so. We just need to final proof this copy and give the OK to the Printer. If you have problems finding the book via the title then you can search for the ISBN:- 

Ebook ISBN –          978-0-6488609-1-4

Paperback ISBN –   978-0-6488609-0-7

I would just like to say a huge thank you to everyone who has helped me get to this point, Denise McMillan for editing, Pickawoowoo Publishing Group for their support and wisdom and of course Denise Davies my wonderful partner for her untiring love, support and technical help!

Writing the book has at times been very cathartic and at time been very challenging- recounting all the hurt i went through in my younger days, but i feel thoroughly blessed to have had such wonderful support throughout my journey. Thank you all…

Since i was first introduced to meditation some 20 months ago i have listened to literally hundreds of guided meditations. There have been a few that I’ve listened to lots of times but i feel in order to further my learning it’s good to seek out new ones and learn new techniques.

There are many apps and websites which offer a variety of different meditations and I’ve tried most of them. Some are free and some require a small subscription which I don’t mind at all. However, i do like to sample first! One such app is simply titled “Calm” which appealed to me but after listening to a couple of “tasters” I wasn’t impressed enough to part with $80 when my thoughts were that there were better ones available. I realise that the content is probably the most important thing but i need to enjoy listening to the voice of the person speaking and while i realise my accent may not be to everyone’s liking or understandable, i have to say that some of the voices grate a little. Also i find that in some of them the background music is too loud and it affects my ability to concentrate which I find frustrating. However, at the beginning of January i started receiving emails from Calm telling me how they had improved their content and changed a number of things and asking me to consider subscribing. As usual there were a couple of tasters which seemed ok but i had in the meantime found a number of new ones on the “Let’s Meditate” app so was happy listening to them for the time being. After ignoring the first three or four emails, out of desperation or a last ditched attempt Calm offered a years subscription for half the usual price. Now being from Yorkshire, I love a bargain so thought I would have another listen and stumbled upon “Daily Calm” a short 10 to 12 minutes daily insight which i enjoyed. In fact, i was hooked and paid the $40. Daily Calm is narrated by a lady called Tamara Levitt, her voice is soothing and each day she covers a different topic, most of which have been really informative. It is just a wonderful way to start the day and gives me something different each day to think about on my mindfulness journey. Two years ago i simply couldn’t have imagined saying this but IT JUST WORKS!!! The more I meditate, the better i get at it and the more beneficial it is to me! Give it a try, you won’t regret it I promise!

xx

2020 has been a year like no other! My lasting feeling from the last 12 months would have to be that of Gratitude as we have so much to be thankful for and much of that gratitude come down to where we live. We are so lucky to be able to call ourselves Australians and live in this wonderful country. While i still considered myself a Yorkshire girl, I am definitely an Aussie/Yorkshire girl and bless the day that Ray and Jan Mountney offered me the life changing proposition which brought me to Busselton 14 years ago.

We are not only lucky to live in Australia, I believe we are lucky to live in Western Australia and even more lucky to live in the beautiful southwest of the state. Thanks (to some extent) to the wonderful job our Premier and his team have done we have been pretty much insulated from the ravages of COVID and while it’s not over yet I think there is a confidence that the people of our state will do the right thing and obey the rules should there be an outbreak here in the west. I try not to listen to much in the way of news as it’s mostly bad but some of the stories about people in other countries breaking the rules and not taking precautions astound me, in fact there have been cases which absolutely beggar belief. I did have a warning that it would be the case back in April when I was talking to a friend who works in Bunnings; he often offers me words of wisdom and on this particular occasion told me that what he was about to say would prove to be correct time and time again over the coming months. He told me “there’s no cure for stupid” and there have been lots of examples this year.

2020 has had it’s moments health wise and both of us have had visits to A & E, thankfully nothing too serious. I continue to enjoy the most wonderful support from various people although there have been some changes recently. Mental health wise I can thankfully say I’m ending the year in a much better place than I was when it began. My visits to the psychologist are much less frequent but she is still there if I feel the need which is a comfort. Meditation and self care continue to play a big role in my life. I meditate every single day even if it is only a few minutes when I go to bed and definitely feel the benefit. I’ve also seen two hypnotherapists which has been quite a revelation especially the second one who I felt I had a better connection with. I still don’t remember the last 90 minutes of my 4 hour appointment, he assured me that I didn’t fall asleep but I don’t remember it at all which is kind of weird.

Work wise, apart from a few weeks during April/May I’ve been busy, not so much for the Real Estate company I spent most of 2019 working for but this year I have increased my number of private clients, mainly through referrals from happy customers passing on my details. Two in particular have been a real pleasure to work for and I already have jobs planned for 2021 for them. Denise has cut down to one day a week for her regular job, having started the transition towards retirement almost a year ago. She is retiring completely from that aspect of her work at the end of February but will continue to service her private bookkeeping clients.

In November we made the decision to spend more of our lives at our home in Nannup. Essentially we have swapped from spending 2 nights there and 5 in Busselton to 5 nights in Nannup and 2 in Busselton starting from the 23rd of December. We get so much pleasure from being in Nannup that it makes sense to spend more time there. We have absolutely transformed the front half of the block this year, pulled out all the 6-feet-high ferns/bracken and mulched the remaining leaf litter leaving a much tidier looking area. I’ve also done a similar job at the back of the block but the vegetation was much less than at the front. All in all it has really changed the look of the place and we have had numerous compliments on how it looks. There is such a positive energy there which is good for the mind, body and soul.

I had hoped that my book which has had a number of changes (including the title!) during the year, would have been published by now but we have had a number of hiccups which have slowed it down. Hopefully it will ready early in January so I will write more about it then. Needless to say I am very excited about it; hopefully it will be well received.

So on to 2021, most people I speak to say they will be very happy to see the back of 2020 but as I said earlier, I think we have had a much better year than most people. Yes we have had to change some of our plans; I would have travelled to the UK had it not been for COVID; as it is at the moment, I don’t know when I will get over but we will wait and see what 2021 brings.

Thank you for being part of my 2020 (even if I haven’t posted much!). I will endeavour to do more next year! Wishing you all a happy, safe and mindful 2021,

Lots of love

Stephanie xx

Posts have been few and far between recently for which I must apologise, it’s not that I’ve been particularly busy or that I’ve not had things to talk about, i just haven’t had the inclination for some reason.

After a false start three weeks ago when the lady who usually does my annual skin check went home sick, the rescheduled appointment was today but with a different lady, someone I’ve not seen before. I am always a little nervous when i meet a new doctor but Denise has seen her and said she was very friendly and thorough. I also had a conversation with one of the lovely receptionists when she called to tell me my first appointment needed to be rescheduled. She was also very sure that i would be well looked after.

Before I say any more, i know i have a propensity to talk a little, well, ok a lot but this appointment was surreal in a beautiful way. We talked a little about my history and she was genuinely interested in my journey, in fact we talked for well over half an hour. I felt pretty bad as she was already running late. I jokingly said when she asked me into her office and apologised for the delay “that’s ok, I’ve often been the one causing the delay so I’m never put out by having to wait”. She thanked me for that then as we spent so much time just talking, apart from a quick check of a blemish i was concerned about, she suggested doing the full skin check at a later date.

This is yet another lovely example of how blessed i am and have been by the medical profession in busselton. In fact i will go further and say how blessed and completely accepted i have been by Australians in general. There’s no where else in the world I would rather be especially this year. Thank you for accepting me xx

On this day 14 years ago i arrived in Australia to start a new life! It has been a roller coaster at times especially the last 4 years but in reality i think my transgender journey began back then.

My life has had so many ‘sliding doors’ moments but I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason and while i would like to take some credit for the decisions I’ve made (well, some of them anyway!) i do think that fate brought me here and had much to do with how things have turned out.

My dislike of Christmas was a factor in my being here. Christmas in England consisted of a day of trailing round from one lot of estranged parents to my mothers and on to somewhere else probably to finish the day off. There is absolutely no wonder i was overweight, it’s just a day long food fest which usually ended up lasting nearer a week. The weather is usually appalling so there wasn’t much walking done either. So when we were invited to spend Christmas 2005 here in Australia, away from all the relatives and the bickering which went with them it’s not surprising that we accepted! The chance meeting with Ray and Jan Mountney probably wasn’t as ‘chance’ as it seemed but it was life changing. The death on the flight going home, sad as it was also was a factor. Being made to climb down ice-laden steps to a waiting ‘doorless’ bus to take us from the aircraft’s parking place near the perimeter fence of Manchester airport to the terminal was just another nail in England’s coffin as it were. It was minus 3 degrees! I had just left 38 degrees in Perth, what was I supposed to think? By the time we had made our way through customs my mind was made up! I told myself that if we didn’t like it here in Busselton we could always go back to England but in reality it just was never going to happen, i mean, why would you? Yes, i miss my friends but every day i say thank you for living in the most wonderful place in the world and at the moment definitely one of the safest.

I truly love my life. There have been some very difficult times over the last 14 years but they have been so worth it. If someone had told me 14 years ago that i would be the person i knew i should always have been but had resigned to taking to my grave, i would most likely have laughed at them and in many ways it’s a good thing that we don’t know what is in front of us but it’s certainly a dream-come-true for me and i feel very blessed.

Yesterday started like most other Tuesdays. Denise was up early to walk with Linny and the first I remembered was being brought my morning cup of joyful jasmine tea at around 7 am. Denise had her shower while i woke up fully and sipped my tea. I decided to make breakfast before having my shower so Denise could leave for work without a rush and went into the kitchen to make our usual scrambled eggs. At some point i must have turned awkwardly to get something from the fridge and felt a very sharp pain in my neck and right shoulder. So much so that i was fully unable to turn my head to the right, at all. I thought it would go away and gently carried on with breakfast but in considerable pain. We finished breakfast and Denise got on her way to work, i was still in a great deal of pain so now that i had some food in my stomach I decided to take a painkiller. I don’t tend to do anything by halves and went straight for the strong stuff, they work a treat and usually in twenty minutes i am pain free. I thought if i go and stand under a hot shower i would be sure to feel the benefit quickly. While both helped, i was still in pain so decided to check if my physio had any appointments during the day and sure enough she had one at 10.30 so i booked it.

My job for the day was to fully detail the Santa Fe and make it ready for sale as we collected our new Hyundai on Friday. Now i know it wouldn’t excite many people but for me, detailing a car brings me joy, call me weird, I don’t really care! I didn’t want to start with the pressure cleaner as i thought i would probably get wet or hurt my neck more so i just emptied the car completely and took out all the mats etc. by this time it was after 10 so I decided to get ready for Erin to do her magic. By this stage the pain had subsided a bit, most likely the painkiller so i was able to drive into town without any problems once out of the drive. Erin was her usual wonderful self, did her magic, gave me some homework and after a big hug i was on my way feeling much better.

After having a coffee I carefully and mindfully got on with detailing the car and enjoyed myself, so much so that i washed and vacuumed the Pajero as well. All was good until just after 4 pm when I noticed a strange burning sensation in my chest. This was followed by a tightness and a general feeling of being unwell. I persevered but it got worse, much worse. I decided i better call Denise. She was on to it in a flash, called Linny to get her to come straight round while she packed up and left work. Now at this point i was actually thinking “this is serious” Denise arrived home and swiftly got me into the car and to the hospital, there was no messing there either, straight through triage and into the ward, there were so many people around me hooking me up to various machines and asking lots of questions, it was all quite surreal. I honestly thought they would give me an aspirin and send me on my way, not going to happen! Yes i did get the aspirin, and something else to put under my tongue, blood taken, chest X-rays, the full works but by this time I’m feeling better. Whether or not that was the tablet or the aspirin I don’t know but something had certainly improved the situation. I thought, I’ll be out of here in no time! That wasn’t happening either! We were talking about taking more blood every 4 hours and me spending the night there and there was no negotiation room either!

So, there i stayed for the night, and very well looked after i was too, the night nurse was so lovely, turns out her brother works with Denise and I’ve met him lots of times so we had a lovely time chatting, there was only me and one other patient in the ward at the time so i think she was happy to have someone to talk to. Of course she got the whole story and is a definite for a copy of the book. What with the blood tests and the hourly blood pressure monitoring I didn’t get much sleep even after taking my normal tablet so after my 1 am bloods she gave me something stronger and i did manage some sleep after that but was awake again at 5.30. The nurse spotted i was awake and brought me a cup of tea which was lovely of her. The doctor came round about 8.30 and told me that the blood tests were all normal so i could leave when i wanted and they would contact my GP and fill her in with the details so i can follow up with her in due course.

While laid in the bed i got to thinking just how blessed we are to have the wonderful healthcare we enjoy here. They are all truly amazing people and I can’t thank them enough. Erin did advise me to have a relaxing day, then took one look at me and said “it isn’t going to happen is it?” Well I’ve had one today!

Amid the global wreckage of COVID-19 it’s hard to find any positive news but what it has done is remind me just how wonderfully lucky we are to live where we do.

Apart from 1997 in the UK when I was convinced Tony Blair had the best package of promises to take to the election and the conservatives were seemingly very stale, I’ve never voted Labour in my life, but I think our West Australian Premier has done (and is still doing) an outstanding job. I don’t watch television, rarely read a newspaper and avoid online news and social media as much as possible but the odd snippets of information I’ve seen from both the UK and the US have absolutely made me realise that I’m in the best place.

One of the plus points of being in semi lockdown has been that we have been able to spend more time at our place in Nannup. I went with a long list of jobs to do and even took most of the materials needed to complete them but I don’t think I’ve done any of them. What I have done, aided by Denise, is completely change the front area of the property. It’s an area of probably 40 metres by 60 metres which was completely covered in ferns, bracken and emu bushes but is now pristine looking parkland as you will see from the photos below. It was very hard work for us both and especially for my trusty old mulching lawn mower which needed some serious TLC half way through the project, but it has completely transformed the place.

While COVID-19 has been devastating for thousands and thousands of people globally and still is, there have been lots of positives. Firstly, I think we all must have a bigger sense of appreciation for health workers in every single sector. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for those people on the front line. Secondly, and this is especially true in my case, it has given us time to “go back to basics” if you like, spend time with family, entertain ourselves with the real pleasures of getting back to nature, walking more, driving less! Shopping less!!! For me it’s been a real eye opener. I find that when I’m working at Nannup I’m thinking only about that, my mind completely engaged in what I’m doing, not worrying about what else I should or could be doing. There has also been more time for self care and meditation and I have tried to dedicate a small amount of time twice a day for it. It really helps me, in fact mentally I am in the best place I’ve been for years. After a horror first two months of the year I feel so much more at peace with myself. Ironically one of the biggest differences has been brought about following a conversation with a fellow patient of my psychologist. We had a conversation about how each of us were doing and she suggested I write a letter to my parents as it had helped her tremendously. The best part was that she said I should also write a reply from them! And I did. The whole thing has made me look at things from a slightly different perspective and it has really helped. I just need to get a few wayward hormones back into line (which I’m confident I can do with a little help this coming week!) and all things will be good.

We have also made great strides forward with my book – its title has changed and I have set up my own publishing company with the help of Denise and two wonderful ladies in Nannup who are guiding me through the whole publishing journey and the front cover is taking shape. While we are not there yet, at least I feel things are coming together which is exciting. Quite how it got to be 500 pages long I don’t know but hopefully you will all be able to read it soon!

Here are some photos…

After a fairly full-on week of painting and maintenance we made our usual 70 km drive to our little piece of paradise at Nannup. On arrival dinner was cooked, eaten and cleared away then time for a walk with Bella. It’s feeling pretty autumnal here but a beautiful clear night without a breath of wind so after the walk it was decided that we would pour ourselves a Baileys each and sit under the stars and enjoy. There is a perfect silence tonight, the stars and half moon shining signalling a nice day tomorrow. As we sat in front of the house in complete silence it felt like we were a million miles away from what has become the most talked about subject worldwide, that being COVID-19. It’s like a different world.

While I’m on that subject, with reference to the title of this post, I’ve heard it said “it’s an ill wind that blows no good” and in my case either COVID-19 occupying a part of my mind, my session with the hypnotherapist, some good advice from a friend which came out of nowhere, or getting on top of my seemingly delicately un-balanced hormones once again has massively improved my state of mind. I can’t actually see that COVID-19 can take much credit as i believe if you think you are going to get it then you most likely will, i on the other hand absolutely believe that i wont get it and consequently won’t It is however hard not to let it dominate your thoughts when everyone is talking about it for one reason or another and it’s on every single type of media. I certainly don’t want to belittle it’s seriousness but i just won’t be drawn into the fear factor which it has undoubtedly created. This is a time when we should be the kindest we have ever been, let it bring out the good in every one of us not the bad. We need to help each other in any way we can, a kind word, a smile, a selfless deed, it’s not rocket science!

2020 has certainly started with it’s share of challenges both physically and mentally. Physically they started in December with a very sore knee which for some reason spread into my lower back. Thankfully both have improved after numerous visits to various medical people and the help of meditation. This brings me to an interesting question, i know from experience that i can improve physical pain with meditation, in fact i have just proved that on my walk with Bella this evening. I am at Nannup at the moment and Bella likes nothing better than a long walk with lots of new smells and things to explore. The down side of this is she has a habit of setting off after anything which moves wether it be a rabbit or a 6 foot tall kangaroo of which there are many around here. This tends to be a challenge to both me and the extendable lead which she spends much of the walk on, she has pulled several out of the holder and even out of my hand after giving me a sizeable jolt which doesn’t do my back or my knee much good. Tonight it wasn’t Bella who caused my knee to hurt, sometimes it just does but with some mindfulness i was able to complete my walk without much trouble. What I don’t have much success with is helping mental issues with meditation, in fact I can’t seem to make any progress on that front. Logic tells me that I am using meditation to assist in controlling physical pain but mental issues are also mainly in the mind so i would have thought that lifting myself out of the low i have found myself in would be relatively easy. For some reason i am not able to help myself at all in that direction which is very frustrating.

There have been a number of things which have not helped my mental state recently. Firstly Christmas, for some reason i find the whole Christmas thing stressful, too many memories from my childhood to start with, it was always a very difficult time for me and it’s not improved much through the years. I’m not a religious person but it seems to have completely lost it’s meaning and become just a commercial rip-off. There have been numerous other small things which have not helped including believe it or not a TV commercial for a car, good for Renault in putting it out there but it also brought back too many thoughts of a childhood and early life of which i was robbed and it hurts so much.

Thankfully there is light at the end of the tunnel by means of a visit to “H” my psychologist on Monday and the return of meditation classes which I’ve really missed. I’ve not missed meditating a single day but somehow it’s lost it’s potency so getting that back on track will help with lots of things.

Finally, you may have noticed that the blog is slightly different, the main thing is the website is now “steps2stephanie.com” there will be more changes coming up now that we have better control of it and I’d like to say a huge thank you to Denise’s son Gareth for his help with this.

So, onwards and upwards! As my GP said “I’ve got this” i will get through it, I’ve got so many beautiful people who care for me especially my soulmate Denise, thank you xxx

I’m nursing a troublesome back and a sore right knee at the moment, the latter causing me to cut short my evening walk tonight as i see no point in aggravating the situation by walking when it hurts. It is very frustrating as I’ve been to various people, Osteo and Physio and thought after my visit to the second Physio yesterday that we had made some progress but it seems not! However, when I arrived back at the house I decided to have a bath which would hopefully ease it a bit. For me, relaxing in a warm bath laced with Epsom salts, gazing out of the window at the State Forrest which lies at the back of our property watching the flickering flame of a lovely scented candle would have to rate as one of my favourite pastimes. I can’t imagine having a house without a bath in it, it’s an excellent place to meditate (although i have been known to fall asleep during meditation!) and feel at one with yourself.

We have decided to call our house in Nannup “The Bird House” for various reasons which i’ll leave you to work out for yourselves! It is so relaxing here, as we sit in the living area the only audible sounds are me typing and Bella snoring! Even she loves it here, there must be so many new smells to take in (and kangaroo poo to roll in occasionally!!) she is very at home now after a bit of a shaky start when she wouldn’t venture far from the car in case we left her here. We bring her along every weekend and it’s almost like she knows what day it is and gets ready to jump in the back of the car. Hopefully we don’t have any bushfires like the devastating ones in  Victoria and New South Wales as even though we have done all we can to prevent damage I don’t think anything would stop fires like those and we wouldn’t stay and defend anyway. All material things are replaceable but human life is not so we would leave in plenty of time. Obviously we are lucky to have somewhere else to go. It would be devastating to lose it after all the work and love we have put into it but I suppose bushfires are one of the risks you have to take when you buy a property like this!